In the same day that I helped you tie your shoe I also find myself wanting to yell at you to back off a little. Do you have to stand right behind me the whole fucking time I'm trying to mix cupcakes? I mean fine, while I wash and you dry. But as I'm trying to cook? Do you have to tie a bow on the apron behind me? Do you have to organize the shelf right next to me? Fucking back off. Please. Please.
Because I know that I won't be able to keep the vemon from my voice. Not today.
I've found myself living in the future a lot lately. Some day. It's not always a bad thing, some even call it planning, but I should be more focused on the 'now'.
I've pared down my original idea of a "10,000 hour project" to starting with a 100 hour project instead. The goal: have fun. To play for 100 hours and just let my imagination go. I often have my brightest flashes of fun at lunch, I think it comes from having an audience (that never use to be the case). This last week saw the creation of "Candy Land Zombie Apocolypse", just the idea of mixing those two makes me happy. From there it turned into a easy swap with Adventure Time since it already has a Candy Kingdom, and they've already had two zombie apocolypse episodes.
All of this has lead to the idea of not just starting a project, but finishing one. I'll feel more accomplished if I can point to something that's complete.
More details on this later. =)
I've learned that I give myself stress dreams. I'm not having them right now, but recently (and at least one already written about here). They are reflections of stress I'm feeling about... anything; work, life, money, family. And i think they were probably meant to help me but they don't. It's always some horrible worst-case scenario that I find myself in. Damaged car when I need it most, missing documents when I need them most, etc. I plays into my fear of being unprepared, which is something I've put a lot of time and energy into preventing. Money in the car for parking, money in the back, favors owed, minimal needs. All efforts to avoid finding myself "in trouble". After so many good examples of "bad example behavior" I've internalized a fear of being in that situation.
Being relieved to wake up and find it Saturday and not "your car is broken" is big. But to have that type of dream repeatedly, is huge. And I think I get why it happens, and it will certainly be a good stress indicator going forward, I just wish the dreams were friendlier, or more directly helpful.
